How Purpose Impacts Relationship

From my experience in working with male clients, I’ve learned that purpose and relationship are inextricably connected. Men who are searching for their purpose are also in search of how to find and maintain a satisfying, healthy relationship. This may seem counterintuitive, but the two go hand in hand.

From the relationship perspective, a common concern I hear from men whose intimate monogamous relationships are suffering is that they are in a constant state of confusion. They can’t figure out why their feminine counterparts are so angry and miserable. They don’t understand how the relationship got there. And while both parties always carry some responsibility, my job is to help my client figure out what they can change.

Those who primarily lead with masculine energy often feel clueless about how to handle their female counterparts. They don’t understand how their choices impact the dynamic. They will never figure it out until they stop using logical deduction to solve this problem.

You cannot solve a woman because she is unsolvable. She is a human being with a deep well that is full to the brim of all the human emotions. If you’re being honest, this is why you were attracted to her in the first place. You do not want her to be another version of you. And if she’s being honest, she doesn’t want that either.


The Unanswerable question

My dad often used to ask me to explain the unexplainable.

“Sara, tell me about women’s knowledge.”

How do you describe the mysterious depths of the ocean?

I was not old enough to answer the question to his satisfaction, and it irritated him to no end.

Today my answer to him would have been, “It’s not necessary to completely understand the feminine essence in order to nurture it and benefit from it.”

And I would have left it there.

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“The feminine essence is a magical mystery. It cannot be fully described, because it is the energy of creation. The totality of the universe cannot be understood in words. ”


We need both masculine and feminine energies to create.

All relationships include one partner who leads with the feminine and one partner who leads with the masculine. For an intimate, romantic relationship to exist, both energies must be present or there is not enough energetic charge to keep it going.

Like the ocean, the feminine essence represents beauty, mystery and magic. And at times, we are unpredictable and volatile. We have a natural ability to work with the darkness — the mysterious energy of what cannot be seen. In the darkness there is nothing, yet out of the darkness came everything.

The healthy masculine aspect represents taking action in the world. They are logical, goal-oriented, proactive, protective, assertive and externally focused.

Both of the aspects are crucial for creation. If one is absent, there is an imbalance. That’s why we all desire partnership so strongly. It is in partnership that we learn how to integrate these parts within ourselves.

The masculine who believes he doesn’t need his feminine counterpart to achieve happiness and contentment is doing nothing more than fooling himself. The same goes for the feminine.


Purpose must come before relationship

We are here playing the game of the dualistic illusion in 3-D, which shows us that everything is separate. The ultimate illusion of separation is shown to us through the masculine-feminine dynamic.

Individual purpose must come first, as we are all here to self-actualize into unique service to our creator, which IS us. This is how we serve the collective.

The goal is to integrate. We do this through union with the opposite energetic essence. Therefore, relationships must have a shared purpose. It can look like creating a loving family, supporting each other’s aspirations or creating peace in the world — as long as the purpose is shared, it doesn’t matter what it is or how you agree to do it.


Super power potential

The divine masculine-feminine union has the potential to create one powerful superbeing, an unstoppable force when authenticity and purpose are leading.

The masculine partner who does not embrace his purpose cannot show up fully in his authenticity. Therefore, he is unable to be fully present with his feminine partner. And the mystical dance of merging and creation cannot happen.

Her response to this is wild emotion that eventually transforms into complete indifference.


What the feminine offers:

As a woman, I can share my own feminine perspective on what a woman needs and what she offers to the masculine-feminine dynamic. It begins with an open heart.

The feminine partner has the ability to hold space for her masculine to amplify his purpose in ways he never knew possible, so long as she stays true to herself in the relationship. But she must relinquish control of the union’s direction and let her masculine sail the ship.

And sometimes, she must create waves. When she tolerates his lack of integrity and purpose, she will become drained. If she says nothing, she is communicating to her partner that it’s OK for him to step out of his integrity, which is crucial for maintaining his authenticity and ability to self-actualize.

Her role of serving as a mirror is the necessary component for the merging of the two energetic polarities.


What the feminine needs

For the feminine, safety within a relationship is created by a masculine partner who leads the union with integrity, and an open heart. This is what I mean by presence.

If the masculine is unable to be fully present, he cannot navigate her depths. He will eventually become a witness to the drying up of the magnificent oceanic beauty within her. Navigating her depths can only happen when you open your heart.

You don’t try to change or fix the ocean. Instead, you hold steady while it does what it does. You become one with it. The same goes for the wild feminine. Trying to change or fix her is pointless. The point is to become one with her — to integrate.

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“Women are the ocean that men sail through on ships. ”

For many men, this means losing themselves. But in fact, the opposite is true.

The only thing you will lose is your fear-based thinking that shows up as defensiveness and indifference. A sure way to lose yourself is to exhaust yourself trying to solve problems that aren’t yours to solve.

When you become one with your feminine counterpart, you are able to access the depths of your own soul in ways you cannot yet imagine.

Practice witnessing her emotions without defensiveness and without using logic to solve her like she is a problem. Just be with her and honor what she is feeling. It’s really that simple.

This is how safety is created in the union.

When the masculine tries to “solve” his feminine counterpart, she will fight for his presence. If her attempts are to no avail, she will eventually begin to lose interest in all aspects of life, until she decides to completely check out or leave the relationship altogether. She does this so that she can begin to show up for herself.

She will replace her man with her own masculine energy. When this occurs, the charge is lost and both people eventually become unnecessary and irrelevant to each other. This is a painful experience for everyone.

The feminine needs her masculine partner’s full presence in order to bloom — to create and share her beauty and love with the world. The masculine also needs his feminine counterpart to show up fully present with an open heart so that he can access his own heart space, all of this happens through mirroring.

This helps both their individual and dual purposes to emerge.

When the feminine stays true to herself and her own needs, her energy can actually fuel her masculine partner to stay true as well, both to his purpose and to her.

Pure feminine essence has no desire to control the masculine by making decisions for him. If we feel the need to, the relationship is headed for failure.

The feminine thrives when the masculine takes the lead in the union and makes his own decisions that include the best interests of both himself and the union.

This means you are taking on your partner as yourself. What is best for the union is also best for you. There is no way around this. Either you are in partnership or you are not. Same goes for the feminine.


Love and light

The masculine is light and the feminine is love.

The light is necessary for enlightenment, but love can happen in the dark and in the light.

The feminine gives her love to help the masculine create the brightest light possible within, and the love she gives is mirrored back to her.

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“The feminine counterpart has an innate ability to serve as a reflection of the light and bring it into conscious awareness. ”

That is what we are seeing happen now on the world stage.

Whether or not she freely admits it, her whole well-being is impacted by her masculine partner’s drive to reach his potential.

When she merges with a masculine counterpart who is not meeting his potential, they will both suffer greatly. This lack throws both partners into their shadows.

The masculine shows up as uncertain and chaotic and the feminine responds with volatility and eventually indifference as she attempts to make up for his lack.

The only thing that becomes certain is a slow and painful emotional death for the union.

It is very difficult for a man to show up for his feminine goddess when he has not claimed his own purpose.

If he does not accept this challenge, he will wander through purgatory, unable to show up in his full presence, for himself or anyone else.

It hurts everyone when the masculine plays small.

We are all being pushed to step into our authenticity and live in service to the world by offering our greatest gifts. There is no one alive on the planet that does not have something crucial to give in service to the collective. If you didn’t have a purpose to serve in some unique way, you wouldn’t be here.

Love and light,

Sara Daves, Purpose Coach
Purpose Coach

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