Manifest Like a Goddess, Module 21
GOALS FOR THIS MODULE:
Understand the concept of boundaries.
Learn the difference between an expectation and an agreement.
Learn the difference between a request and a requirement.
Discover your what your boundaries are, and practice setting them.
Continue aligning and healing the Throat Chakra.
The path to authenticity requires not only that you speak your truth but you create and maintain boundaries in your most important relationships. Boundary setting creates a safe space for you and everyone around you to relax into the authentic self and fully show up. It is the kindest act you can do for yourself and your loved ones.
Boundaries are a critical component of every relationship you are involved in. If you don’t have them and communicate them clearly, your relationships are destined for failure.
If you have no idea what a boundary is and don’t know how to enforce one, the concept can feel threatening, but it is actually the healthiest decision you can make for your relationships.
Not having or communicating boundaries is dangerous. It causes enmeshment which happens when personal boundaries are not clear in a relationship. Those in enmeshed relationships often mistake the other person’s feelings for their own and can lead to a loss of autonomous development.
This usually begins in childhood and carries on throughout adulthood unless checked. The outcome is one person in the relationship taking responsibility for the other’s emotions and the other being unable to take responsibility for their own emotions.
Another symptom of unclear boundaries is being unable to resolve conflict. When you don’t effectively communicate your boundaries and stand for them, deeply embedded wounds will surface and this is when blame is cast, creating resentment and eventually contempt. Removing expectations and replacing them with agreements will eliminate the resentment.
Expectations vs. Agreements
Expectations are unspoken desires that include the expected action of another person to meet certain needs, without communicating those needs. Consider every un-communicated need, whether met or unmet, an expectation.
You can expect to be let down by your expectations, because the people in your life are unable to predict your needs 100 percent of the time. You must communicate them.
An agreement is a request or requirement that is communicated and agreed upon between two or more people. Choosing to form agreements is how you set boundaries.
There are two general types of boundaries that can be set: Requests and Requirements.
Requests vs. Requirements
A request is a nice-to-have, while a requirement is a must-have. You can consider requirements deal breakers. For instance, if you decide that name-calling is a deal breaker, then it falls under requirements. Requirements that consistently go unmet over long periods of time even after clarification create situations where relationships must be evaluated to determine whether they should continue.
If you would like for your partner to help out with house chores when you work late, but wouldn’t end the relationship if that didn’t happen, consider it a request. A request is something that you would like to have but do not necessarily need. And if your loved one is not willing to meet this request, then you must be willing to accept that.
It’s important to give some thought to the difference between the two types before having a boundary conversation.
Here is an example list of Requirements to get you thinking.
No name calling.
Call if you’re going to be late, don’t flake on plans.
No sexual and emotional cheating.
Do not dismiss my feelings or tell me how I should or should not feel.
Don’t criticize me.
Include me on spending decisions when $1,000 or more.
The above examples could also be considered requests. Everyone is different and it’s your choice. Here is a short example list of Requests:
I would like to have sex four times a week.
I would like one evening of alone time per week.
I would like you to wash the dishes when I cook.
I would like it if you didn’t look at your phone while we are talking.
Creating and enforcing boundaries can be done in a loving way. It does not have to be an argument, nor should it. Have the conversation when everyone involved has the time to explore their feelings around this topic and give everyone, including yourself, ample time to determine what boundaries will be agreed upon.
If you’ve been in a relationship that has been operating under expectations instead of agreements, then expect you and your loved ones to make some mistakes in the beginning.
When someone breaks a requirement, it is crucial to make it known as soon as possible and communicate how you’re feeling about it. If it happens repeatedly, then a serious conversation needs to be had about whether the boundary has been properly understood or whether it is simply not being honored.
Make list of all your requests and requirements, and those you are not sure about. This will be your starting point for your boundaries conversation. After communicating this information, you and the other person may choose to agree on something different. You both are free to change your mind about whether something is a request or a requirement at any time, as long as you communicate the change.
Set a time for a boundary conversation. Even if you believe that boundaries are not an issue for you and your loved one, this is still a healthy practice to do with one another periodically. It’s a good idea for at least one person to take notes during the conversation. Post your boundaries list somewhere that is visible to you both every day.
Click below to access the Throat Chakra Meditation. You will need earbuds in order to get the desired effect. Give yourself ample time to listen all the way through and then journal your experiences.
Congratulations on finishing Module 21. Give yourself two weeks for self-discovery based on what you’ve learned. Then, continue on to Module 22.
To purchase the guided meditation from this module and other meditations, click the button below.